Home for Christmas

Last week now, coming up
people rush, all non stop

to buy, to clean, to get all ready
and still keep mind and body steady

and what do I do? take a guess
please do trust me, I do not stress

the cleaning I figured, I will do next year
a few gifts, yes, of course I'll prepare

- for my loved ones who are close to me here
and I'll send some cards to friends and family far and near-

home for Christmas, that's a song
driving home where you belong

and as for me? well, I am right here
so are they, my loved ones I have near

I so much enjoy these pre-christmas days
I count my blessings and kick my worries away

and I:
go for a hike in a forest wonderland
with the one that I love, hand in hand:

the sea opens up right in front of us there
and we smile just because of the moment we share:

then, I confess, I go over the top
when I decorate my tree, I do not stop
it's shiny and glittery and all that there is
and the mistletoe is up, just in case there's a kiss
and all of this is because I can

Yes, I can
how lucky am I

And the spirit spreads from my head to toe
peace and love, friendship and joy

Just a moment, then its gone,
take a breath, hold on

light a candle for the one who is no longer here
send a wish, give a hug - to the ones you have near

home for Christmas
yes I am

right home, here where I belong

home
- a hug when you feel down
- a thought when you're on your own
- a kiss that tells you simply - We
- is where you enjoy your morning tea

home is where You can be You

Home for Christmas,

That's my Christmas wish for you, too

Yes, I can

I can decorate my Christmas tree whenever I want,
I can put up lights, so many - I have already lost count
I will put a giant pink Indian star on top of my tree
Just because I can, and it reminds me of - we

Poonam, a friend so dear to me
I know she would love to see
me go wild, - and just put whatever I like - where and when
just because

I can

No one around me - to order, dictate, control or fight
just loving people, applauding wild
when I bring out
yet one more light

so don't take for granted your freedom, my dear
cherish it, feel it, love it
like I do, I swear
I will never let it go again

This year, I will have blinking red lights on my tree,
just because I can, you see

I will play my music, dance, laugh and be me
with my loved ones, friends and family

I am free as a bird, but not everyone is,
so I send a warm thought to all my sis-
- ters out there who still suffers bad
- just the thought of it makes me so mad

mixed with the joy of freedom

to go where I want to go,
with whom,
with what
and whenever

just because
I can


Freedom to hike when and where you want:

Freedom to cherish loving memories:

 Freedom to choose freely that: Home is where your heart is:

The sweetest nectar is within

.

What a loving gift I got that day
it sure does keep sorrows away
a sign of beauty and courage too
and love and joy - to me from you

a sign that the past should stay back there
to dare to love, to live right here
to seek the good in every day
be brave and then some day you may-

- just know that you have landed right
a sense of peace - both day and night
in your soul and heart, its rooted deep
that's all you need, to take the leap

to fly like the hummingbird, to do what you like most
a bit of it backwards, so to view some old ghosts
then just leave it behind, let it go, fly away
find your courage to live and love-
- your way


A large bouquet of roses red, and in the middle, my hummingbird:

So, I had to look up, and read a bit about the hummingbird, as I realised that it meant a great deal to the one who gifted it to me. And I learnt a lot (as this is a bird we do not have in my country). Did you know that:

- The hummingbird is a tiny colourful bird. Its's name comes from the fact that it flaps it's wings so fast (about 80 times per second) that it makes a humming noise. The fluttering wings of the hummingbird move in the pattern of an infinity symbol - making it a symbol of eternity, continuity, and infinity.

- The hummingbird can fly right, left, up, down and even upside down! It is the only bird able to fly backwards. Maybe in that way it can teach us that:yes, we can look back on our past, but at the same time: we must not dwell on it - we still need to move forward.

- The hummingbird is a symbol of love, joy, and beauty. Just think of the hummingbird when it hovers over flowers, never stopping, always searching for that sweetest nectar. Yes, we can also savour each moment, follow our dreams, our own nectar and appreciate the things we love. We can enjoy flowers, aromas and tastes. We can smile and enjoy creation, we can appreciate the good in life, the beauty of the present moment, and the magic of being alive.

- The hummingbird is a creature that opens the heart. When the hurt that caused us to close our hearts gets a chance to heal, our hearts are free to open again.

Symbolic of the hummingbird:
- Lightness of being, enjoyment of life
- Being more present
- Independence
- Bringing playfulness and joy in your life
- Lifting up negativity
- Swiftness, ability to respond quickly

- Expose yourself to joy and love 

- Enjoy life’s simple pleasures and take time to enjoy yourself. 

The prime message of the hummingbird symbol is: "The sweetest nectar is within!"

How to live on without her?

Today is All Saints' Day.
Today we remember our loved ones who have passed away.
Today we put candles and flowers at the their grave. We gather. And remember. We get together in parks to see white balloons fly off into the cold foggy winter evening. To celebrate their life and grief their passing. We listen to songs about loss and love. We hug each other, and share the pain. We cry. We mourn our dear ones who are no longer with us.

I stand here.
And I look out on the sea shore, already with an icy surface. It seems cold, still and empty. It is like the time has stopped.

The world stopped when I lost my mum.

How to prepare for a life without her? How to get used to live a life with her not in it?

Yes, I lit a candle for you today, mum. Yes, I am at your grave shedding tears together with your other loved ones. We who miss you so much. Yes, we mourn. The loss seems unbearable.

All leaves has fallen of the tree. It looks naked and cold. The sky is pale and grey. Winter is coming and so is your favourite season: Christmas.

Christmas. For joy, hope and love. A light, when the world is at its darkest.

I know you. My mum. And I think. You would have told me to stand up straight, get rid of those tears and move on. " What are you doing here? Go on. Live, love, laugh, have fun, enjoy!", you would have said. With a smile. But in a strict voice.

I get up on my feet. I wipe my tears off. And I start walking.

I know. You are with me. Every day, every moment. And I smile. Of course you are. Always.

We remember you. We celebrate your life. We can laugh, thinking of happy moments.

But it still hurts.

Every day.

Every moment.
_____________________________________

Some of the most comforting words I have read are these by Christopher Walken:

"Someday you will be faced with the reality of loss. 

And as life goes on, days rolling into nights, it will become clear that you never really stop missing someone special who’s gone, you just learn to live around the gaping hole of their absence. 

When you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open, and the bad news is you never completely get over the loss. 

You will never forget them. 

However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news. 

They will live on in the warmth of your broken heart that doesn’t fully heal back up, and you will continue to grow and experience life, even with your wound. 

It’s like badly breaking an ankle that never heals perfectly, and that still hurts when you dance, but you dance anyway with a slight limp, and this limp just adds to the depth of your performance and the authenticity of your character. 

The people you lose remain a part of you. 

Remember them and always cherish the good moments spent with them.”

Warm thoughts to all of you who are missing your loved ones. 

Today. 

And every day. 

Bye bye October!

So, bye for now, October, it's ok to let you go
but you should know that this year - oh, I have enjoyed you so!

red and orange, gold and yellow
makes the hikes outside go mellow
it's like floating in a fairyland
a dreamy walk, hand in hand

October,
with sun and wind and rain
a month of autumn joy - and pain
and the golden beauty brings out a tear
- I do think of her who is no longer here

October is to hike to a foggy mountain top
to cover cold ears and to jump up and down non stop-
- the cold is coming, you feel it all over
but the sun is still warm and you don't want to cover-

your whole body with wool, no, no, no, it's too soon,
I need to feel warm while I glance at the moon
in the dark autumn night, while the stars shine above
then I go inside with the one that I love

October is candles and warm blankets too
a tight hug, a soft look -
- and just me and you

So, bye bye October, it's ok to let you go
with your soft autumn winds - oh, I loved you so

I enjoyed my hot coffee by the edge of the sea:

I sat under the gold - the most perfect place to be:

So, my October, what a joy that we met 

I say thank you for all the moments, it is time now to let-

you take off, but please know that I'm grateful and smile 

when I think of all good memories that you do leave behind

This moment is all we have.

Meet my new flatmate

So, this new girl moved in, you can spot her right?
upside down in the middle, seems all ready to fight

But no need for that, you are welcome to stay
As long as you like, you are not in my way

Live your life as you wish, in my pink orchid heaven
but please little lady - don't make more kids than seven:-)

I watch you and smile, my new flatmate, I think
almost invisible you are, can hardly spot you in the pink

But I know you are here. Still a life - and so small.
Perhaps I should give you a name I could call?

The world at my feet

Nothing beats that feeling deep

of joy and pride - can almost weep 

of happiness, that is, please know- 

we made it to the top - somehow

feet are tired, hearts beat fast 

our joy - the memory will always last

'cause what a feeling, to be on top 

after hiking, all non stop

through rain and storm we made it through

we climbed that mountain, me and you 

every time I get up there 

all I can do is sit and stare:

- the world in all its glory: the sea and the sky 

and I can't stop thinking - how lucky am I 

to have a day like that 

what a gift 

This is just where I want to be  

in the arms of that someone next to me

on that top 

and with the world at our feet

how lucky am I

enjoy the day

enjoy the moment

......getting there......

.....being there....

PS: There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.....:-) 

Malaga Moments

Lucky me, who recently got to travel, with a bunch of good colleagues, to the other side of Europe. From the west coast of Norway to the far south end of Spain - 4 hours on the plane. And what a joy: to travel to a place you have never been to before? Oh, yes, I like! Like Malaga, the 6th largest city in Spain, situated in Andalusia on the south coast. And an historic one: funded by the Phoenicians about 770 BC. A kinder-egg of a city, that's what I felt: so much to see, do and experience.

It was the perfect trip. Even though it was a work trip: the busy work schedule did allow a little time to explore. Just enough to make me curious for more. We had some gorgeous afternoon moments, just wandering down those narrow alleyways, next to cathedrals and on historic ground. We had an evening at the old castle, just on the top, overlooking the sunset over the blue sea and the green forest down below. We had an afternoon tapas - a meal that lead out into a long talk about life and love, and what it is all about. With the best people. And that was the best. The people. Just perfect.

These were my favourite Malaga Moments :

The bright blue sky and an architecture - it took my breath away:

The blue sky, blue sea, green hills - and an historic castle:

 Long tapas meals with good talks with the best people:

A new fancy flamenco outfit anyone?

Pablo Picasso, who was born in Malaga (and ladies: so was the actor Antonio Banderas by the way, we saw his house:-))

A myriad of small streets - most only for pedestrians

so:
We came
We saw
We enjoyed
We left

- but what will remain - is: the memories, the good talks, the laughter, the funny moments, the emotional ones, the just-being-together-with-someone-you-enjoy-the-company-with-moments
- making memories together moments

- those moments:-)

Gracias, Malaga:-)

Love is it

To D

My big hit blogpost is In Love
- not a bomb, because we know-

- that love is wanted, love is IT
and lucky me, the spark got lit

by him who came along like that
when least expected, for a chat

and then he stayed. I felt it deep
This was it. He's one to keep

a gentle, kind and loving guy
they do exist, I now know why

'cause after hard times, love came by
embrace it now, don't question why!

With eyes wide open, I see him clear
and he sees me, from far and near

he - who shares my joy and pain
he - who stays -  through sun and rain

he - who loves my happy smile
he - who will walk that extra mile

- for me,
and so would I for him
don't you think - a clear win win?

he -
who like me, has seen a dark night

he -
who like me, just love that bright morning light

on a mountain top or at the edge of the sea

he -
who is the one for me

Life

Life can be concurring mountain tops
or chase new partners all non stop

Life can be greeting the morning light,
or dance in joy as the day turns to night

to chat with a friend for hours to go
to pick a wild flower - or just leave it to grow

Life is a sip of a scented tea
or a hint of a smell - of what used to be

to laugh so hard that the sky turns bright
or to miss her so much, that you cry every night

Life is a cookie, a hot yummie piece
and a hope that the good things will never cease

and oh we know - after rain comes sun
and to feel real life, put your shoes on and run

to a mountain top or the edge of the sea
to feel all alive, to feel not Me but We

Life is yours
love it
live it

Yes, of course it hurts

In dark times. When the loss seems unbearable. So unbearable that you surrender to it. When the black cape of grief is so heavy that it becomes your soft blanket of comfort. When the sense of sadness is so present that you simply adjust, believing it will always be so. And you clinger to your grief, refusing to let go. Because if you do, it is like you let her go. And you don't want that. So you hold on. You hold on. Tight.

Then one day you remember her and you smile through your tears because she-

-loved life-

She loved life like no one else. She loved her family and friends, laughter, dance, theatre, travels and a good read. And you think

Yes, it hurts

it hurts so much that she is not here anymore but

after winter comes spring
after rain comes sun
nothing lasts forever
nor good nor bad
so
dare to love, trust and believe
dare to be open to anything new
and the most important:
yes it hurts. sometimes it hurts like hell.
it is life
but love it still
I will
like she did

_________________________________________________________________________

YES, OF COURSE IT HURTS

By the Swedish poet Karin Boye. Translated in to English by David McDuff

Yes, of course it hurts when buds are breaking.
Why else would the springtime falter?
Why would all our ardent longing
bind itself in frozen, bitter pallor?
After all, the bud was covered all the winter.
What new thing is it that bursts and wears?
Yes, of course it hurts when buds are breaking,
hurts for that which grows
and that which bars.

Yes, it is hard when drops are falling.
Trembling with fear, and heavy hanging,
cleaving to the twig, and swelling, sliding -
weight draws them down, though they go on clinging.
Hard to be uncertain, afraid and divided,
hard to feel the depths attract and call,
yet sit fast and merely tremble -
hard to want to stay
and want to fall.

Then, when things are worst and nothing helps
the tree's buds break as in rejoicing,
then, when no fear holds back any longer,
down in glitter go the twig's drops plunging,
forget that they were frightened by the new,
forget their fear before the flight unfurled -
feel for a second their greatest safety,
rest in that trust
that creates the world.

Hummus on a Golden plate

Today, I time travelled. Back, to the past. I was maybe 5 again. It was Christmas time and we were at my grandparents house in the village. Snow was pouring down. Outside the large window the scenery was all white. I was sitting in front of the open fire place looking at the flames, feeling my cheeks getting all warm and red. Soft Christmas music was playing and I heard the rest of the family talking and laughing as they were all preparing the food and putting up the last decorations. And then it was time to set the Christmas dinner table. Time for crystal glasses and shining silver spoons, forks and knives. I smiled and ran towards the table. Just in time. Just in time to see them being carried carefully out of the corner cupboard. So delicate, so elegant. The golden plates. The gorgeous cream white porcelain plates with a touch of gold around the edges.

The golden plates. I can only remember us eating of them at Christmas time. The rest of the year they lived in that cupboard in the corner. Sometimes during summer vacation I could sneak up, open the cupboard door and just look at them, admire them. And slowly let my fingers stroke them.

Today those golden plates live in the cupboard in my living room. Today I was sitting on the floor, holding them carefully in my hands. And they took me back. To long noisy funny Christmas dinners. To happy times, to celebrations. Always celebrations, festive days.

I got up from the floor. Still with the plates in my hands. I had decided. Today we eat from the golden plates. On a plain normal Tuesday. Call me crazy. Yes, we had hummus, salad and home made bread on my grandmother's precious golden plates. And oh, did it taste delicious!

I do think that my grandparents would have liked that. I lit a candle and I thought of them. And I celebrated: Good memories, Today. This moment. Life.

 PS: The hummus turned out yum by the way - maybe I'll share that recipe:-)

My Valentine

come to me

come and see 

who I am

the real me 

I am not the abuse

I am not what he did 

I am not just simply my trauma

I'm the courage that escaped 

I'm the cleverness that survived 

I'm the power that protected my tiny spark of flame 

oh my Valentine

you do get me right 

you give hope that I can love again 

you do fan my spark

into firecrackers bright

you see me 

with your eyes open wide 

you see beyond and you sense

and you know me so well

a new love

but we've always just known one another 

oh my Valentine 

you read all my signs 

I am yours 

and you know it is so

with respect, joy and laughs

we are like half and half

and together we're one of a kind 

I love you

you love me   

there is hope

I now see   

and believe

Be my Valentine

I celebrate Valentine’s day with my fellow blogger friends. Read more at Write Tribe’s language of love

Your children

What a blessing, to have a child
a mini you - just as wild
or so you think when you watch them grow
and your own mum says: see, I told you so

- first when you are a mum you will understand
they belong to themselves, just for you to lend

to love, support, encourage forever,
their side to leave? Oh darling. Never

no matter what, because they are,
and always will be your shining stars
your light and love, an eternal bond
with them you know you are always Home

*************

For my darling children with love. And for my parents too.  

*************

Your children By Khalil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you, they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite.
And He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hands be for happiness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
So He loves the bow that is stable.


************************

They will manage. You will too.
Joy and love. Whole life through.