10/07/2016

Yes, of course it hurts

In dark times. When the loss seems unbearable. So unbearable that you surrender to it. When the black cape of grief is so heavy that it becomes your soft blanket of comfort. When the sense of sadness is so present that you simply adjust, believing it will always be so. And you clinger to your grief, refusing to let go. Because if you do, it is like you let her go. And you don't want that. So you hold on. You hold on. Tight.

Then one day you remember her and you smile through your tears because she-

-loved life-

She loved life like no one else. She loved her family and friends, laughter, dance, theatre, travels and a good read. And you think

Yes, it hurts

it hurts so much that she is not here anymore but

after winter comes spring
after rain comes sun
nothing lasts forever
nor good nor bad
so
dare to love, trust and believe
dare to be open to anything new
and the most important:
yes it hurts. sometimes it hurts like hell.
it is life
but love it still
I will
like she did

_________________________________________________________________________

YES, OF COURSE IT HURTS

By the Swedish poet Karin Boye. Translated in to English by David McDuff

Yes, of course it hurts when buds are breaking.
Why else would the springtime falter?
Why would all our ardent longing
bind itself in frozen, bitter pallor?
After all, the bud was covered all the winter.
What new thing is it that bursts and wears?
Yes, of course it hurts when buds are breaking,
hurts for that which grows
and that which bars.

Yes, it is hard when drops are falling.
Trembling with fear, and heavy hanging,
cleaving to the twig, and swelling, sliding -
weight draws them down, though they go on clinging.
Hard to be uncertain, afraid and divided,
hard to feel the depths attract and call,
yet sit fast and merely tremble -
hard to want to stay
and want to fall.

Then, when things are worst and nothing helps
the tree's buds break as in rejoicing,
then, when no fear holds back any longer,
down in glitter go the twig's drops plunging,
forget that they were frightened by the new,
forget their fear before the flight unfurled -
feel for a second their greatest safety,
rest in that trust
that creates the world.






26 comments:

  1. Moving on is probably the most difficult thing to do... the heart refuses to listen ... but time does heal us. Your post is so touching and yet so beautiful.

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    1. Thank you so much dear Raj:-) Hugs

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  2. There is always that guilt of letting go, but I guess knowing this makes it easier: what if the person didn't want you to mourn like this for a really long time? What if she wanted you to keep living, with a brave smile on your face, cherishing all the happy memories?
    I do hope you feel better soon :)

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    1. Thanks alot for your kind words Mithila:-) Hugs

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  3. What a beautiful and heartfelt post, Eli. I was so touched by it and understand your feelings about grief and how we have to get back into our lives more fully, yet keeping the memory alive. I still miss my mom a lot but keep her in my heart and try to live life to the fullest since life is short and over so quickly.

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    1. Thanks my sweet friend Cathy dear. I know you understand my feeling, and I yours:-) Lots of love

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  4. Such a poignant piece, Eli. Living like her, for her. Beautiful and heartfelt.

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    1. Thank you so much dear Parul:-)

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  5. Hi, visiting your blog for the first time and I am glad I did. Time is the balm to any problem and it's ok to let go sometimes.
    Regards

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    1. Welcome, and happy you liked it Tina:-) Thanks:-)

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  6. Dearest Eli,
    Your sentence: 'She loved life like no one else', is something that I realized very well myself when scanning all photo albums.
    SO many happy smiles and that teaches us that no matter how hard, no matter how difficult - we have to get back to 'SMILING'.
    We can do it, by letting go and distancing ourselves from the raw and painful moments and people. Just slowly drifting away...
    Sending you a tight hug and wishing you well.
    Mariette

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    1. Thank you so much. Warm hugs back dear Mariette:-)

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  7. That's so heartfelt and so very poignant, Eli! It's really tough to go on with our life and yet continue to feel the vacuum the absence of the loved one has created. Yes, its hurts, and it hurts a lot!! A big hug to you, Eli!

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    1. Thank you so much dear Shilpa, big hugs back:-)

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  8. A poignant tale, beautifully worded. Yes, "after winter comes spring."

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  9. Hope you doing well, Eli. Life is never kind to us and it hurts, where we take a long time to get out of our bruiser. The poems has so much power inside.

    Hugs.

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    1. Thank you so much my dear friend Vishal:-)

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  10. I was deeply touched by your post, dear Eli. Life is like this and most often we have no choice but to accept the things as they are. Hurt is inevitable but if embraced gracefully and enthusiastically brings us the light and sunshine of the new day. Perhaps, that is how we become who we are.

    Sending you much love and warmth, take care.

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    1. Thank you so much my sweet sweet friend Arti. Lots of love back

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  11. Such a beautiful post. Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think people ever completely move on but yes, definitely continue to live while keeping memories alive.

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  12. Its a poignant one. But your first paragraph. Its beautiful.

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  13. Ohh, sweet Eli. I feel for you my dear and send you all kindness and warmth through the blogworld.♥ The pain we feel when we loose people we love is almost unbearable and I do wish it was true that time heals everything. But it sadly doesn't. The pain, sorrow and aching missing walks side by side with all the love, laughters and wonderful memories. It doesn't get easier with time but we adjust beacause we have to. Life goes on even if we want to or not so we adjust and keep our loved ones in our hearts for ever. And she's there with you sweetie. Every day. And all the love she had for life lives on in you. Always.

    Take care sweet Eli and warm hugs to you.♥

    Charlie
    x

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    1. thank you so so much my sweet friend. Your comforting words means a lot. Warm thoughts and hugs back to you:-)

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