Yes, I can

I can decorate my Christmas tree whenever I want,
I can put up lights, so many - I have already lost count
I will put a giant pink Indian star on top of my tree
Just because I can, and it reminds me of - we

Poonam, a friend so dear to me
I know she would love to see
me go wild, - and just put whatever I like - where and when
just because

I can

No one around me - to order, dictate, control or fight
just loving people, applauding wild
when I bring out
yet one more light

so don't take for granted your freedom, my dear
cherish it, feel it, love it
like I do, I swear
I will never let it go again

This year, I will have blinking red lights on my tree,
just because I can, you see

I will play my music, dance, laugh and be me
with my loved ones, friends and family

I am free as a bird, but not everyone is,
so I send a warm thought to all my sis-
- ters out there who still suffers bad
- just the thought of it makes me so mad

mixed with the joy of freedom

to go where I want to go,
with whom,
with what
and whenever

just because
I can


Freedom to hike when and where you want:

Freedom to cherish loving memories:

 Freedom to choose freely that: Home is where your heart is:

The sweetest nectar is within

.

What a loving gift I got that day
it sure does keep sorrows away
a sign of beauty and courage too
and love and joy - to me from you

a sign that the past should stay back there
to dare to love, to live right here
to seek the good in every day
be brave and then some day you may-

- just know that you have landed right
a sense of peace - both day and night
in your soul and heart, its rooted deep
that's all you need, to take the leap

to fly like the hummingbird, to do what you like most
a bit of it backwards, so to view some old ghosts
then just leave it behind, let it go, fly away
find your courage to live and love-
- your way


A large bouquet of roses red, and in the middle, my hummingbird:

So, I had to look up, and read a bit about the hummingbird, as I realised that it meant a great deal to the one who gifted it to me. And I learnt a lot (as this is a bird we do not have in my country). Did you know that:

- The hummingbird is a tiny colourful bird. Its's name comes from the fact that it flaps it's wings so fast (about 80 times per second) that it makes a humming noise. The fluttering wings of the hummingbird move in the pattern of an infinity symbol - making it a symbol of eternity, continuity, and infinity.

- The hummingbird can fly right, left, up, down and even upside down! It is the only bird able to fly backwards. Maybe in that way it can teach us that:yes, we can look back on our past, but at the same time: we must not dwell on it - we still need to move forward.

- The hummingbird is a symbol of love, joy, and beauty. Just think of the hummingbird when it hovers over flowers, never stopping, always searching for that sweetest nectar. Yes, we can also savour each moment, follow our dreams, our own nectar and appreciate the things we love. We can enjoy flowers, aromas and tastes. We can smile and enjoy creation, we can appreciate the good in life, the beauty of the present moment, and the magic of being alive.

- The hummingbird is a creature that opens the heart. When the hurt that caused us to close our hearts gets a chance to heal, our hearts are free to open again.

Symbolic of the hummingbird:
- Lightness of being, enjoyment of life
- Being more present
- Independence
- Bringing playfulness and joy in your life
- Lifting up negativity
- Swiftness, ability to respond quickly

- Expose yourself to joy and love 

- Enjoy life’s simple pleasures and take time to enjoy yourself. 

The prime message of the hummingbird symbol is: "The sweetest nectar is within!"

How to live on without her?

Today is All Saints' Day.
Today we remember our loved ones who have passed away.
Today we put candles and flowers at the their grave. We gather. And remember. We get together in parks to see white balloons fly off into the cold foggy winter evening. To celebrate their life and grief their passing. We listen to songs about loss and love. We hug each other, and share the pain. We cry. We mourn our dear ones who are no longer with us.

I stand here.
And I look out on the sea shore, already with an icy surface. It seems cold, still and empty. It is like the time has stopped.

The world stopped when I lost my mum.

How to prepare for a life without her? How to get used to live a life with her not in it?

Yes, I lit a candle for you today, mum. Yes, I am at your grave shedding tears together with your other loved ones. We who miss you so much. Yes, we mourn. The loss seems unbearable.

All leaves has fallen of the tree. It looks naked and cold. The sky is pale and grey. Winter is coming and so is your favourite season: Christmas.

Christmas. For joy, hope and love. A light, when the world is at its darkest.

I know you. My mum. And I think. You would have told me to stand up straight, get rid of those tears and move on. " What are you doing here? Go on. Live, love, laugh, have fun, enjoy!", you would have said. With a smile. But in a strict voice.

I get up on my feet. I wipe my tears off. And I start walking.

I know. You are with me. Every day, every moment. And I smile. Of course you are. Always.

We remember you. We celebrate your life. We can laugh, thinking of happy moments.

But it still hurts.

Every day.

Every moment.
_____________________________________

Some of the most comforting words I have read are these by Christopher Walken:

"Someday you will be faced with the reality of loss. 

And as life goes on, days rolling into nights, it will become clear that you never really stop missing someone special who’s gone, you just learn to live around the gaping hole of their absence. 

When you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open, and the bad news is you never completely get over the loss. 

You will never forget them. 

However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news. 

They will live on in the warmth of your broken heart that doesn’t fully heal back up, and you will continue to grow and experience life, even with your wound. 

It’s like badly breaking an ankle that never heals perfectly, and that still hurts when you dance, but you dance anyway with a slight limp, and this limp just adds to the depth of your performance and the authenticity of your character. 

The people you lose remain a part of you. 

Remember them and always cherish the good moments spent with them.”

Warm thoughts to all of you who are missing your loved ones. 

Today. 

And every day. 

Bye bye October!

So, bye for now, October, it's ok to let you go
but you should know that this year - oh, I have enjoyed you so!

red and orange, gold and yellow
makes the hikes outside go mellow
it's like floating in a fairyland
a dreamy walk, hand in hand

October,
with sun and wind and rain
a month of autumn joy - and pain
and the golden beauty brings out a tear
- I do think of her who is no longer here

October is to hike to a foggy mountain top
to cover cold ears and to jump up and down non stop-
- the cold is coming, you feel it all over
but the sun is still warm and you don't want to cover-

your whole body with wool, no, no, no, it's too soon,
I need to feel warm while I glance at the moon
in the dark autumn night, while the stars shine above
then I go inside with the one that I love

October is candles and warm blankets too
a tight hug, a soft look -
- and just me and you

So, bye bye October, it's ok to let you go
with your soft autumn winds - oh, I loved you so

I enjoyed my hot coffee by the edge of the sea:

I sat under the gold - the most perfect place to be:

So, my October, what a joy that we met 

I say thank you for all the moments, it is time now to let-

you take off, but please know that I'm grateful and smile 

when I think of all good memories that you do leave behind

This moment is all we have.